How do deal with people?

After spending an hour with my mother, I was inspired to write this article.  She has challenged me like no other!  Rather than leaving our visit frustrated and discouraged, I left with an inspired desire to learn how to connect with somebody so close, yet so different than myself.  We all want to be liked, valued, and appreciated. The key to achieving these things is developing sharp human relationship skills.  How do we become more likeable?  The following will answer this question.


People like consistency.  If your interests, attitudes, and emotions change frequently, you’ll drive yourself crazy and confuse the people around you. Being consistent helps others understand who you are, and what they can expect from you and their relationship with you.  Being reliable is key.  When your mood goes up and down, you wear yourself and others out. Strive to carry a good demeanor and a healthy attitude about yourself, especially when dealing with others.


When you are engaging in conversation with Jack at work, or Jill at the bar, give them your full attention. Focus your energy on them. Nothing is more annoying than having a conversation with somebody distracted by their phone.  Do not send text messages in the midst of a dialog with another person.  When you commit to a conversation with someone, give them all your attention. Give people your biggest asset, your time. It is a huge turn off if your phone becomes more interesting than the person right in front of you.


People want to know you’re listening. Asking questions lets others know you are engaged in the conversation with a genuine and sincere interest.  Sometimes we focus on what we are going to say next, we don’t hear what the other person is telling us. It’s amazing how much respect and appreciation you will receive simply by asking the other person questions and encouraging them to talk about themselves.  When you listen carefully, you’ll have an easier time remembering their name, an important date, or other important information that you’ll want to recall. When the other person realizes you are actually listening, you’ll build trust quickly. Practice listening and asking questions. You’ll be amazed at the effect.


Research shows most people decide if they like you within seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation justifying their initial gut reaction.  If you understand this process, you can use those seven seconds to your advantage and make huge gains from the start.  Showing confidence, having strong body posture, a firm handshake, putting a smile on your face, you’ll have greater chances of making a good first impression. Having a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself keeps the conversation light, and keeps it moving right along.


One of the keys to relationship building is eye contact. Maintaining eye contact with the other shows confidence, creditability, and respect.  Be aware of your body language and the power that it has on the conversation. You can help others feel relaxed and naturally open up to you by keeping your arms uncrossed, and speaking in an enthusiastic tone. Being cognizant of your gestures, your tone of voice, and your facial expressions will make a difference in the course of the conversation and what happens afterwards.  When you are at ease, the other person is naturally more at ease. Recognize that there is power in the act of touch.  Research shows relationships with high levels of trust also have higher levels of touch. Drawing people to you is sometimes less about what you say, but more about how you say it.


When you have a friendly demeanor that is warm, you’ll become inviting and other people will more likely to interact with you. Greet new people with warm kindness and use active listening skills. Do more listening than you do speaking. If you’re willing to give advice, be as willing to listen to the advice from others.  When you are agreeable, you are more approachable.  Do not be the person who knows it all. Be the person who asks questions and tries to see things from the other person’s perspective and point of view. Being respectful of the other person’s beliefs, perspectives and point of view instantly makes you more likeable.


You accomplish this by being honest and sincere. Become vulnerable and by taking chances on people you value. Be somebody you’d want to connect with. Commit to seeing the best in others, even when their shadows seem easier to focus on. Give love. Somebody is searching for a true connection with somebody just like you.


If you find yourself feeling anxious in a social situation, shift your attention away from the nervous butterflies and use that energy to bring yourself back into the situation. You always hear this but it is true, be in the present moment.  If anxiety arises during a conversation with an individual, listen to the words coming from the person in front of you. Listen as they speak, and nod slightly indicating you are receiving their message. Before you respond to their words, give yourself time to pause and think about what you intend to say. The silence before you speak indicates that you are giving some thought to what they are saying and reflecting before you are going to respond.


In times of challenge and controversy, strive to be the person who is positive and optimistic.  We all know one person who is positive and optimistic, we can certainly use more people like this in our lives. Be that person. The can do attitude is such a better vibe than cannot.  If you can provide strength, brighten the outlook, choose the positive and minimize the negative, people will be drawn to you.IMG_1973


Giving a smile, being vulnerable, and saying yes goes a long way. Likeable people are invaluable and unique. Be a person who brings the best out in people.  People are drawn to people who have fun and are enjoying their lives.  Create a fun life worth living.






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