Relationship killers

lcm_heartBeing in a relationship with the one you love is a wonderful experience.  Sometimes when we become upset, we say things we do not mean to our lovers.  This is where self discipline and self control comes in.  Written below I have a few ways to help you not bring damage to the relationship.

When having a disagreement, never threaten to leave.  Do not let it be an option.  A friend of mine who was recently divorced told me he and his ex used to say,  “Should we get the big D?” (D as in divorce),  sure enough, they did.  Make a deal with your partner so that you both do not use this vocabulary.  When you threaten to leave, somewhere deep in the psyche, you  start to look for ways out.  Do not even plant the seed into each other’s mind.

For the greater good of the relationship, put your partner’s feelings first and say you are sorry.  Being able to tank your own feelings, and look at the bigger picture of the relationship, you are  able to move beyond.  You are saving yourself and your partner from  any extra suffering.  Do not intend to hurt your partner.  Try to understand where your partner is coming from and ask questions vs making threats.  Take ownership in the relationship and being able to say I am sorry, “sorry I made you feel uncomfortable.”  By taking ownership of the problem, the problem starts to dissolve.

Remember your relationship is about something bigger.  It’s not about you, it’s not about him, it’s about us.  Making it about the two of you serves you both and gets to the end of the story.  If it looks like he is being mean, what it means is that he is scared and he does not know.

Tell your partner that threatening the relationship is off limits forever.  You both love and care for each other, and this is not an option.  What you can do is share everything with him.  Let him in and this keeps him close.  You want to remiss about the beautiful moments of the day, about what went on, what you liked and how you both love each other.  This creates strong intimacy and bonding.  The stronger the bond, the harder it is to brake the connection.  You are a co-creator in the relationship and you have the power and the ability to create whatever you want.  Create the relationships of your dreams.  If you are unhappy in the relationship, take a look at yourself and see what you can do to change so there is more peace and the love will flow more freely.





Posted in Life Coach Blog.