2017 was a heavy year, but, 2017 was the year finished what I had set into motion in 2015. In 2015 I left a relationship where I had become a dependent and had to figure out how to become independent again. It was pretty messy since so much of my life was intertwined, but it was leading me down a dead end road. I did not know how hard it was going to be, or that it would take two years to finish, but in 2017 I sealed the deal and left.
In 2015 I prayed a radical prayer and wanted to make some changes in my life. My prayer was to heal my shadow side. I am a work in progress. But, I set a new tone in my life, and it put me in a new direction. I had to figure out how to control my temper and become healthier. I no longer wanted to freak out, or blow up and cause damage to my relationships. I had to learn better self-control. I got expert help because I wanted to change. I believe the professional advice is essential where we need to build a community of support to help us grow. Physical violence was not going to be a part of my life, and I had to break the cycle of abuse. I was no longer going to tolerate emotional abuse or have my feelings disrespected. I had to leave behind the people who don’t care about my feelings and make room for people who do.
2017 was the year I had to let go of things that were not good for me. My usual pattern was to hold on and here in 2018 I let go. This is gut reaching hard work but had to be true to me and walk the walk. This has been scary as hell. My stomach twists and turns as I go through the process of making hard choices, but I made a decision, and I am sticking to it. I let my big beautiful dream home go so I could afford to go back to graduate school to help advance my career.
I have made peace with my past, took ownership of my decisions and I can already feel the difference of 2018! Today, I feel my inner party is back; I was dancing around the house on this New Year’s Day. 2018 will be a lighter year. The key is when it starts to feel heavy again, I will slow down, take it easy, stop running and will walk. I will keep the path as I align my life with the Devine. I do not know where this way will lead me, but, I have let go, I am living on faith.
I believe 2018 will be a lighter year. I have freed myself, and I won. And you can free yourself too and win. The bible says: Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor the left; Turn your foot from evil. Proverbs 4: 26-27.
Sometimes life is like a slingshot. We have to pull back to shoot forward.