Want to feel better about yourself but don’t know how? Anything you want to change, takes time, effort and practice. It’s a gradual change that you grow into. As you become the new you, the updated version of better you. Raise your self-esteem. What you most want from others, give to yourself. Do you want acceptance, love and support? Give it to yourself. When you give this gift to yourself first, it is easier for others to give it to you. Be gentle and kind to yourself, just like you would a young child. Nurture the tormented child in you. Calm down the inner child that screams and throws tantrums.
Respect yourself enough to say no to others. Learning to say no, is one of the best words you can ever use. No need to be a people pleaser, how has saying yes to someone when you wanted to tell them no worked for you? By changing your negative thoughts of self-criticism, you turn it around to the opposite. Love the part of you that hurts, and you begin to change. You don’t have to understand why you are this way, or what caused you to feel bad about yourself. Just love yourself, just do it. The key is to love this part of you that needs healing. Do what you need to do at this critical time. Reach out, call a friend, get a hug, and nurture yourself. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel well. Do not act as if you don’t care. You do care, and it does hurt when others don’t respect who you are. Stand up for yourself and let them know they cannot treat you this way.
Write it Down
When your internal voice is screaming at you, stop what you are doing and write it out. When you write, you are reminding yourself you cannot talk to yourself this way. Avoid exaggerating and going to extremes. When you become more aware of the negative language, you can start to turn it around. If you say things like, “you are not worth it, who cares, who wants you, or what’s the point?”, you are going to start to believe it. The wisdom of the Buddha says that you become what you believe. If you believe you are a lunatic, you are going to become a lunatic.
Forgive and Forget
I know forgiveness is difficult but important. We always seem to hurt the ones we love most. If you want to keep people in your life you must forgive yourself and others. Over and over and over again. When you do not, it will weigh you down. Not forgiving others plays a huge part of your self-esteem. Your past can control you if you let it. It is best to forgive the wrongs and move on. Hanging onto negative memories from the past will keep you stuck and hold you back.
Give yourself a Brake
Choose to see the brighter side of things. Develop confidence in your own abilities. Think of the time when you did something right, when you told yourself, “Hey, I got it right this time.” Feel strong enough to resist feelings of powerless. Remind yourself you are doing well. You don’t need to hear it from someone else. Give this gift to yourself and believe in the good words you are saying. You deserve to feel good. Stay realistic, know what you can do, and do no go to extremes on things. It’s not all black or white. Life is in the gray.
Watch your Internal Dialogue
A common symptom of low self-esteem is the feeling that you cannot perform well in public. One way to tackle this is to make sure you are prepared for your event. Know what you want to say, before preforming in public. To face your anxiety, do not run away from people, deal with them. When you do this, the fear becomes less, it is not as overwhelming. We like to block out our fears by refusing to deal with them. The best way to deal with your fears is to learn all about them. The more you know, the less fearful it is.
Gain Control Over Yourself
Don’t be a complainer. Sometimes it’s fine to whine, but when it’s all the time, this becomes annoying. We all have problems, do not isolate yourself from other by being negative. Learn to be assertive, stand up for what you believe in. Have a solid opinion and give voice to your thoughts and feelings. When you share how you feel, the world is not as heavy or on top. Have enough self-control to talk in a way that allows others to listen to you. Half of the battle to conquer your poor self-esteem is to identify when and why you feel a certain way. If you find you feel low when you are by yourself, make plans to go out and get out more often. Stay in touch with how you feel throughout the day. Set appropriate boundaries with others.
Charismatic people walk through life as if they have no doubt. We all have self-doubt every day. This is something where you have to act as if. When you are aware of your body posture and the way you carry yourself, you will notice how people respond to you. It’s basic body mechanics. Walking with your shoulders back and head up, you feel confident. Walking with your shoulders slumped and your head down, shows you are depressed. At the same time, when you are aligned with your right self, people will begin to notice you more. Your true self will shine through.
Marie Schulte is a Sociologist and Life Coach specializing in Life Coaching therapy via her private practice in Lenexa, Kansas. Marie’s areas of expertise include self-esteem, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and stress management. Marie helps her clients transform their lives. Follow her on Facebook at Life Coach Marie for more articles. Visit her website at www.marieschulte.com.